WELCOME to HAPPY TO BE...This is a blog about my love of Antiques, My family, humor, as humor keeps us laughing and my every Day life...I hope you enjoy your visit...Please leave me a comment to let me know you Came by so I can visit with you Thank You !!...Hugs and Smiles, Gl♥ria

May 1, 2012

~ Tuesday Humor~

What a retired husband does


After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.


Dear Mrs. Olson,


Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.


1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.


2.. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.


3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.


4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing
management to lose time and costing the company money.


5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.


6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.


7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.


8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ' Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.


9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.


10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.


11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.


12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.


13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'


14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'


And last, but not least:


15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.


Until next time from my mountain to yours
Hugs and smiles Gloria







10 comments:

Richard Cottrell said...

You are such a dear and I am glad I saw this tody. being in retail this could be so true and I could add a few. Richard from My Old Historic House.

Judy at GoldCountryCottage said...

Hi Gloria: I wish I had those little emoticons at my fingertips, I would use up a whole lot of the 'laughing out loud' ones..You are too much..Happy May Day..Judy

Sue said...

OH DEAR ME!!! I was laughing aloud and reeling because of these little ditties! We used to do stuff like this when we were in junior high! But this is just too funny! Thanks for making my night! hugs, Sue

Blondie's Journal said...

Oh, Gloria...I nearly peed myself laughing over these. The dressing room/toilet paper one is the best! lol!

Hope you are doing well sweet lady, I think about you all the time and pray for all good things on your side of the mountain!

XO,
Jane

NanaDiana said...

Gloria- I am pretty sure that is my son that they are talking about. He has done some crazy things that are similar to that. Hmmmm...I think I feel a new blog post coming on! Thanks for the laugh tonight, I needed it- Love ya, chicky! xo Diana

toko busana muslim said...

I like that that you say {as|like}

Sherry @ No Minimalist Here said...

Gloria, This is so funny! With my husband recently retired I can so relate. Hugs, Sherry

Kathy @ Creative Home Expressions said...

You always have the best jokes, Gloria! Even better, I've never heard of them before, so I always get a good laugh. Have a wonderful weekend my friend!

Sue@House Pretty said...

Hi, I just found your blog, andf I have to say, your furniture is beautiful! So majestic looking!

As for this post, I read the whole thing, and got my husband's attention, because of my laughing, so he asked me to read it to him. Cracked him up!

By the way, I just became your newest follower!

Sue@House Pretty said...

Hi, I just found your blog, andf I have to say, your furniture is beautiful! So majestic looking!

As for this post, I read the whole thing, and got my husband's attention, because of my laughing, so he asked me to read it to him. Cracked him up!

By the way, I just became your newest follower!