WELCOME to HAPPY TO BE...This is a blog about my love of Antiques, My family, humor, as humor keeps us laughing and my every Day life...I hope you enjoy your visit...Please leave me a comment to let me know you Came by so I can visit with you Thank You !!...Hugs and Smiles, Gl♥ria

February 20, 2012

~Dear Diary~

For my birthday this year, my husband purchased a week of personal training at the local health club.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines... I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
Butt hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
I hate that jerk Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my diary; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Until next time from my mountain to yours
Hugs and smiles, Gloria


shannon i olson said...

amen!!! laugh out loud funny!!

Unknown said...

Hysterical laughter ... we both love this, Gloria.

Hope you are getting stronger every day.
Have a lovely eve ~

Sonny G said...

lol lol.. you are too cute.

Nancy's Notes said...

Oh Gloria! That is beyond hysterical lady! What a post and you've got my permission to bop him upside the haid!

Honey at 2805 said...

Hysterical! You and Maxine, the funniest gals around.

Barb @ The Everyday Home said...

Haha, I have had my share of Cristo's too. I much prefer "Ralph" at Dunkin' Doughnuts. He treats me better. :)

Madeline's Album said...

Laughed so hard I thought I'd wet my pants. You are so funny and we need more of these funny post to keep us laughing. Have a blessed evening and keep the funny post coming. Madeline

Country Wings in Phoenix said...

Oh Gloria Sweetie...
I am so LOL. Oh my gosh, you are a hoot. I could see myself in those positions and feel the pain. Whoever said NO PAIN - NO GAIN - they out to be whip lashed for sure.

I continue to say prayers for you dear friend. I pray that you are getting a little more back to normal one day at a time. I know it has been a very hard battle, and I am right there walking with you through virtual prayers sweetie.

Many hugs and SO much love to you. Always, Sherry

Mid-Atlantic Martha said...

It's always good to know that you're keeping the giggles going.....on both sides of your mountain!

victorian parlor II said...

You are too funny!



Debbiedoos said...

LOL...This is so funny Gloria!:)

Blondie's Journal said...

OMG! I am still laughing! Keep posting this great stuff, I could use the bell laughs...Christo would agree! Personally love the yoga cartoon!


Lynn said...

Loved it Gloria-thanks for the laugh:@)

onlymehere said...

I can always count on you for a laugh! Have a great day on your side of the mountain!

Miss Janice said...

This is just hilarious and it sounds like me!!!

Richard Cottrell said...

Darling as usual, my dear Gloria. I feel about the same most days and I don't even have a heath club class. What does that say. Richard from My Old Historic House.

Sue said...

I thought this was for real at the beginning...I should have known better:) So funny!

Hope you are doing well and have a wonderful day!

Cindy (Applestone Cottage) said...

My stomach hurts from laughing so much Gloria!
Good one!!!
Thanks for brightening my day!!
Love Ya,

Elizabeth and Gary said...

Hi Gloria,
You are so funny!! what a hoot!
I really great post.
I love your beautiful bedroom and your Grandma's wedding dress is divine. I have my Grandma's too. How fun to meet up with Courtney, did you two buy anything fun..
I hope your are feeling better sending you really big hugs, Elizabeth

bj said...

hahhhaaa....this is sooo cute, Gloria.

So was your comment on the Muffin man and I had to go back and add it in.....
come see. :))

Sherry @ No Minimalist Here said...

Gloria, Thanks for the giggle!
Hugs, Sherry

Phyllis @Around the House said...

SSSooooo funny...thats the wY i FEEL ...TORTURE...loved the post ...you are so entertaining...take care sis...

Rebecca Nelson said...

Oh my gosh...I'm laughing my, um...bumm off!



Marty@A Stroll Thru Life said...

Well, it is 6 in the morning and I am laughing hysterically. You are so funny!!! I havn't laughed so hard in a long time. What a fabulous way to start my day. Love you tons. Hugs, Marty

Anonymous said...

This is so dang funny!!! Hope you're feeling better every day.

momto8 said...

hahaha so funny!

Ivy and Elephants said...

I just about split my pants, Gloria!
Amen and amen!!! Thanks for the laugh.

Stephanie said...

Very funny! Thanks for the laugh!

The Charm of Home said...

Ha..ha! Such a funny image of you dodging this. Happy to visit with you! I hope all is well! I love that screen in your next post! Lovely! Thanks for stopping by! I am waiting on my 7 year old Prince propped up on the pillow.(my child sprained his foot.) it is really cutting into my blogging time!

Anonymous said...

So funny Gloria! Thanks for the laugh!

Hope you are feeling well this week and enjoying life- consider yourself hugged!

bee blessed

Barb said...

Hi Gloria, your post is delightful...so fun to read.

You always have a way of hitting life on the head. I love it.


lvroftiques said...

You know I'm LMAO but this is pretty close to the truth! That third day is TORTURE!! *winks* Vanna

Ardy said...

Too funny!!!Just the perk-up I needed!